Livin' the life.

I'm happy today.

I went out, had dinner with friends...I had a good fuckin' time.

I don't need a lover in my life to be happy.

My friends ARE my family. They love me and I love them.

We'll take care of each other.

I wore my 5.11 TDU pants out downtown today and damn! This shit is nice! It breathes better than jeans, has 11 pockets, is badass black, AND stain/spill resistant with reinforced seams so it resists rips and tears. Love it.

AND... I GOT MY DUTY BOOTS TODAY. HELL YEAH.

This shit is intimidating as fuck.

I don't mind being single.

I like being an adventurer. I like having stories to tell. I like being me...maybe not all the time, but definitely some of the time.

I like working out and wearing all black (boots,pants, belt, and shirt) and looking good.

It feels good to be in uniform. I have a purpose. I place. And I've got my framily to protect (friends/family).

I've started watching How I Met Your Mother again...i never finished the series...I decided college is a good time to do so.

If there's one thing I've learned is that for all the time that Ted waited for "the one"...the wait was worth it...and he had a damn good time getting there.

Why the hell should I live any different?

Why am I so damn afraid of fucking up?

When did I get so cowardly that I couldn't man the fuck up and say no.

I'm a more than just a guy or a man...I'm a gentleman.

Being a gentleman is being the new bad ass.

And that's exactly what I am.

Someday...I'll meet a woman who wants a kind of life that I do. Love, affection, trust...adventure, family, and compassion...

Someday I'll meet the woman that makes me realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

And I know she's out there.

And I'll be glad to meet her...because rather than their being nothing left of me to love at that point...I want to be chock full of stories, experiences, and new skills that I can't wait to share, show, and teach her...not to mention learning from her too!

I want to be a destination...not just the vehicle to it.

And for every girl i've met or tried to get close to...I was never the destination.

I got people where they needed to go. And that's okay. Because I like to be helpful. I like to see people succeed. And if I can be a part of someone else's success, then I'd be honored.

Cause one day...I'll be the succeeding too.

And I know I will.

I'm me.

I've been through shit only I know of. Despite telling some close people some of my darkest secrets.

I deserve a woman who makes me happy...and whom I can make equally happy in return.

She's out there. And I want to wish her, whomever she is, a goodnight, and a helluva lot of adventures, cause dayum, i know her stories will be just as good as I want mine to be.

Cause that's how we'll meet.

Something we didn't expect...that turns into something we never want to forget.

Isn't that how all the best adventures start?

^

Fuck. That's my new proposal line...


Bitch please. That beats my old one XD

Why do i get my best ideas in the wee hours of the morning???

Ah well. I'm gonna get out of these duty boots and pants and get some shut eye.

I'm not quite at peace yet, but I know it's out there...and i'll find it some day.

Night night bitches lol....i'm sorry. This is how you know i should not be allowed on the internet at this time of night...

But seriously...to anyone who may actually read this or any part of my blog...thank you for still reading. I know i can be really shitty sometimes, and depression is never an excuse to be a dick to anyone, it's just an explanation why, but thank you for being here and sticking through this long ass post, or even reading all my posts. I have almost a thousand now.

Most of them are about Wildcat.

You can tell I loved her. And you know, a part of me always will. She's a good person. She just isn't the person I'm meant to be with right now. She's got other people in her life. People that make her smile and forget the pain for a while, and those are the kinds of people we all need.

I'm proud of her and her courage. I'm honestly jealous of her for several traits. She's the kind of woman you meet and can tell that she truly is one of a kind.

I wish I had her courage, her bluntness (at times and I don't mean a joint XD ), and her child-like curiosity and playfulness. She's the badass I wish I could be. And that's the best complement I could ever give, cause for all her flaws, no one can deny that she is probably one of the coolest people you could ever meet.

She's been one of the best friends I've had. And I don't regret it at all.


It's time for me to go to bed. But i'm going to tell her that before i go to sleep. you never know when it's your last chance to say something to someone you care about.

Goodnight all.