damn it. fucking damn it.

I SHOULD HAVE SHUT MY DAMN MOUTH.

I told her. She asked and I told her the truth and where am I now? Huh? I'm the hateful fucking one? Am I?!

You ruined me, Mother. I was someone before you did this to me.

This is why I don't talk to you. this is why I never told you.

I'm triggered as fuck.  I've got scratches down my fucking arm and it burns. I cannot take this.

Great. Now I am crying.

No. why.

Please...why. I didn't want to talk. Why would you try to get me to talk.

why would you make it seem like it was my fault. No one deserves to hear that from their own mum.

why.


I'm cold. And alone. I just wish I knew why. Why am I such a stupid piece of shit. i am disgrace to my family, was hated by my mother. My "brother" told me he didn't respect me as anything more than human and been told by some asshole to "get my head check" cause they thought i was fucked up.

we all have our demons.

why wouldn't you have left mine alone?

I hate myself. This is why.

whatever.




I wish you were here...i could use a hug...