Peace

I sit here today, in a ratty ambo with a nail in its tire, stuck driving a BLS truck in DC... And yet I feel relaxed.. calm... 

Hell, my PR is in the 50s. It's usually high 90s or even over 100.

I am sitting and listening to the world go by, the wind in the trees, the chirping of the birds, the crackle of dried leaves scraping along the pavement with every wayward gust of wind.

This is a slice of heaven to me.

Cool air, clear skies, warm sun, and no drama, no immediate stress or calamity or problems for me to fix or deal with.

I am grateful. I wish for more days and nights like this.

God is good. He knows best and I shall endeavor to be open to his guidance and to approach things with eyes and a heart that see blessings rather than broken things to fix.

Thank you, God. I needed this.

Nights like these

Nights like these... I feel a million miles away from my own body. Searching, seeking, dreaming, hoping, and letting go. 

My world slowly corrodes day by day while I put my all into the external. 

I wish my environment managed itself. 

I feel like I'm reaching for the stars all over again, hand reaching for the midnight skies, watching the tinkling stars so far from my grasp. Beauty and boldness I can never hold.

Why am I like this?

Have I given up? I don't think my mind has but my body feels like it stopped fighting so long ago.

I'm tired. 

I am so tired. I long for where I belong. Whomever I belong to.

I love you. I miss you. 

May we find each other in this life or the next.