How curious. We rise once more. The goosebumps crawl across our skin like insects swarming as the pervasive chill of emotional dysregulation sets in. The emotional numbness spreads throughout and a frown creases our brow.
The Wolf returns, albeit unexpectedly.
Today's therapy was surprisingly heavy. A recollection of things left unresolved yet slowly poisoning my soul. A rotten foundation threatening to compromise the work I have done if left untreated and unaddressed.
Memories of past projects thrown carelessly in moving boxes and destroyed beyond repair when I found them.
Reliving the moment dad tore up my art and threw it away, only to later try to tape it back together and apologize...except the only thing I learned or remembered from that was that, once done, an action can never be undone. No matter the apologies or efforts, you cannot put something back together the way it was before. It will always be different after being broken. Actions have consequences, and things they thought were just another Tuesday have been left to fester in my soul for so, so long.
Closure, they said. As one thing nears completion, we turn to the others left abandoned in the corner, much like I had been.
It is cold. So cold. Tears fill my eyes, as the world becomes a distorted kaleidoscope of color.
It's surprising how vulnerable my soul still is. Easily shaken with the right words and memories. The pain and trauma resurfacing like a submarine breaching the sea's surface in a spectacular fashion.
Even now, I glance down and see the goosebumps of the chills that came from within rather than from without.
Do I open up? Do I show her my broken pieces and sharp edges? I don't want her to cut herself on my broken pieces.
What if she chooses to leave in the future? Can I share my world with someone who doesn't know if they want to be here with me?
I think I'm going to go lie down. If she actually pays attention to me, I suppose I'll let her in. If not, nothing's changed I suppose.
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