Yeah, i know i am. No need to remind me...
well, we can ALWAYS find something to remind you of that...like, say...
Don't you dare say it!
your...
Ohhhhh no. You just stop right there!
Chemistry final exam grade.
Thanks Conscience. I can always count on you to keep things to yourself can't i?
That's ironic considering you shared someone's blog with someone else without their permission and got them all mad at you and have now lost their once absolute, more or less, trust.
Just stop, okay? Just stop. I'm tired, cold, and hungry, and now i've failed my chem final. Stupid, stupid exam. Why is that course even part of my major?
well, maybe you can go back a few grades if you can't even answer that. {idiot}
I heard that, smart alec, cause you're in my head. Or did you forget that?
Forget? Hah. Not a chance. And you thought i was trying to keep you from hearing my call you an idiot...pffffft. That's funny Wolf. Real funny. Hey? Maybe you can quit college and be a comedian? Oh...wait...that's right. You're not funny. Oops. My bad...{idiot}
It's days like these that i wish my friends weren't so busy with life, that i was able to have a real adventure again. Inactivity is more tiring than strenuous acticity.
yeah, well, folks, this fella just has no activity. Heh heh heh. Unless failing is one.
Conscience, just...
What? Shut up? Have fun making me. I'm gonna have a field day with this. Let's see. First semsester of college and you're already well on your way to not getting anywhere in life by screwing up chem. No wonder they call it a weed out course. They're plucking the useless weeds like you.
Is that going to be my legacy? Failing? Not able to get what needs to be done, well, done? It looks like it. Why am I so stupid all, okay, some of the time?
Only some?
Yes, conscience, SOME. Not ALL. I do have a few moments of relative brilliance/or perhaps average intelligence...
Yes....few..."VERY" few...empahsis on "VERY"
Okay conscience. Shut up now. I wan't none of your opinions and none of your thoughts, do you hear me? Yield. I will not. The wolf in me will never stop and defeat is never acceptable you worthless piece of trashy thoughts. Yield. Because if you do not, i swear, i will tear you apart, piece by piece, and reabuild myself into something even more than the joke i am now.
Now, i am going to go run a few miles to blow off steam. you better not be here when i get back.
Wolf. Out.
Arete'
Inspiration
Rise
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
Cold and sad...
I feel cold this morning. I'll get over myself. Though my conscience seems to enjoy berating my stupidity last night. Uggggh. Why won't my stupid thoughts keep themselves to themselves and leave me out of it?
cause you're an idiot, Wolf...but you know that already, dont you?
Hey. I am not perfect. I made a mistake and i apologized, okay?
hahaha. Not perfect? Really? When did you figure that out? Last winter? Or the second time? Maybe the third? Or maybe you're so slow that you only picked up on that last night? Idiot...
Okay. That's not nice. I know i've done stuff i'm not proud of...it's true for us all, isn't it?
yeah, but more so for you.
WHY DON'T YOU PIPE DOWN?
Why should i? I'm you. You zip your lips first buddy, or maybe i'll do it for you?
[sad face]
and you thought you could help. You can't even help yourself, can you, oh mighty Wolf. ha. Spent seven years training and learning and you're still just a pathetic little kid lost and alone. Still lame as ever.
I can help! I can! I just...[sigh] It's not always easy, conscience. Believe me. It is sometimes and uphill battle being fought on two front by one man...it's next to impossible on some days...and now i've gotta go take a final exam...[sigh] I hope this wears off soon...i don't like being sad...
Run along little wolf...don't be late...
Yeah, yeah, i know...
Arete'
cause you're an idiot, Wolf...but you know that already, dont you?
Hey. I am not perfect. I made a mistake and i apologized, okay?
hahaha. Not perfect? Really? When did you figure that out? Last winter? Or the second time? Maybe the third? Or maybe you're so slow that you only picked up on that last night? Idiot...
Okay. That's not nice. I know i've done stuff i'm not proud of...it's true for us all, isn't it?
yeah, but more so for you.
WHY DON'T YOU PIPE DOWN?
Why should i? I'm you. You zip your lips first buddy, or maybe i'll do it for you?
[sad face]
and you thought you could help. You can't even help yourself, can you, oh mighty Wolf. ha. Spent seven years training and learning and you're still just a pathetic little kid lost and alone. Still lame as ever.
I can help! I can! I just...[sigh] It's not always easy, conscience. Believe me. It is sometimes and uphill battle being fought on two front by one man...it's next to impossible on some days...and now i've gotta go take a final exam...[sigh] I hope this wears off soon...i don't like being sad...
Run along little wolf...don't be late...
Yeah, yeah, i know...
Arete'
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Testing...1...2..3...
So, this is my first post everyone, so HI.
As the title suggests, i've got tests...three of 'em. Uggh. I don't want to take them, but heck, if i want good grades in my courses, i need to get good grades on my final exams. Well, the chem exam at least.
Things are quiet at home and the shoe's finally dropped. Dad accepted the job offer in MD. It's done. He leaves his current place of work in just a matter of weeks. We move some time in June or July. I agreed with Dad to take part in the process of looking at homes even though, in my heart, i kind of don't want to think about giving up my house here in NC. We have a fox den out back, an opossum that lives in the trees, a black rat snake, nuthatches, tufted titmice, the neighbors' cats, green anoles, brown snakes, ring-necked snakes, a Fowler's toad...i love my home. I can take lightning pictures out the front porch...i've taken some of my best pictures ever here...and won a contest with one too. The memories here are priceless...and the state is beautiful. I was bullied up in MD and had an awful time with doctors and needles and...just bad memories...i mean, it wasn't ALL bad...there was snow...and sledding and stuff...but the bad seems to overshadow the good...and the distance seems to put a damper on my mood. But, if nothing else, if we get a place with woods and a creek, like Wolfgirl's place, then maybe i can practice wilderness survival out back? I've never done much winter survival training on my own, as NC is just too warm in most parts at most times for anything of the sort. I would also be closer to my "Brother", who's not bound to me by blood so much as he is by compassion and kindness and is a kindred spirit. But i'd be leaving my "sister", who, same as the brother, is more one i choose than kindred by blood, and she has been rather kind and caring, and helped me through some rough times in life a year or two ago...and the museum was/is home too. It's just change i guess, that gets me. I don't like big changes. Heck, i love trying new foods and visiting new places, but moving? No. It scares me...reminds me of when i had no stability...we'd move every three years, if not sooner...i lived almost ten years of my life without setting down any real roots without any real friends. I grew up and matured here in NC. How can i turn my back on that?
Sigh. Nothing to do but see what the future brings.
On a happier note. My relationship with Wolfgirl is stable(ish) despite my folks not being too pleased. She probably doesn't realize it, but i am very proud of her. She has grown strong over the last year and become a lot more "whole" since we met. Now, i can't take any real credit for that, as i did not do very much to help her...heck i abandoned her over winter, whether it was my choice or not. Anyways, she's doing well, and that pleases me. She seems to, more and more, express a desire to improve herself for herself and that's a great change from the depressed person i first met who was just clinging to life and going through the motions.
I guess i should get back to studying now...though i do not want to... Duty calls...and I must answer. I am nothing if not a soldier in the battles that life presents. God is my commander. Friends and family are my allies, and the unexpected and undesired parts of life are the battles in which we are all called to face. Some, run like cowards when no easy solution presents itself. Others turn predator and prey on the loners on the fringes, and fewer still weather the storms of battle tide honorably. May we all be among the ranks of the honorably victorious, for victory without honor is like life without emotions. Empty and cold, and not worth the price paid.
Arete'
-Wolf
As the title suggests, i've got tests...three of 'em. Uggh. I don't want to take them, but heck, if i want good grades in my courses, i need to get good grades on my final exams. Well, the chem exam at least.
Things are quiet at home and the shoe's finally dropped. Dad accepted the job offer in MD. It's done. He leaves his current place of work in just a matter of weeks. We move some time in June or July. I agreed with Dad to take part in the process of looking at homes even though, in my heart, i kind of don't want to think about giving up my house here in NC. We have a fox den out back, an opossum that lives in the trees, a black rat snake, nuthatches, tufted titmice, the neighbors' cats, green anoles, brown snakes, ring-necked snakes, a Fowler's toad...i love my home. I can take lightning pictures out the front porch...i've taken some of my best pictures ever here...and won a contest with one too. The memories here are priceless...and the state is beautiful. I was bullied up in MD and had an awful time with doctors and needles and...just bad memories...i mean, it wasn't ALL bad...there was snow...and sledding and stuff...but the bad seems to overshadow the good...and the distance seems to put a damper on my mood. But, if nothing else, if we get a place with woods and a creek, like Wolfgirl's place, then maybe i can practice wilderness survival out back? I've never done much winter survival training on my own, as NC is just too warm in most parts at most times for anything of the sort. I would also be closer to my "Brother", who's not bound to me by blood so much as he is by compassion and kindness and is a kindred spirit. But i'd be leaving my "sister", who, same as the brother, is more one i choose than kindred by blood, and she has been rather kind and caring, and helped me through some rough times in life a year or two ago...and the museum was/is home too. It's just change i guess, that gets me. I don't like big changes. Heck, i love trying new foods and visiting new places, but moving? No. It scares me...reminds me of when i had no stability...we'd move every three years, if not sooner...i lived almost ten years of my life without setting down any real roots without any real friends. I grew up and matured here in NC. How can i turn my back on that?
Sigh. Nothing to do but see what the future brings.
On a happier note. My relationship with Wolfgirl is stable(ish) despite my folks not being too pleased. She probably doesn't realize it, but i am very proud of her. She has grown strong over the last year and become a lot more "whole" since we met. Now, i can't take any real credit for that, as i did not do very much to help her...heck i abandoned her over winter, whether it was my choice or not. Anyways, she's doing well, and that pleases me. She seems to, more and more, express a desire to improve herself for herself and that's a great change from the depressed person i first met who was just clinging to life and going through the motions.
I guess i should get back to studying now...though i do not want to... Duty calls...and I must answer. I am nothing if not a soldier in the battles that life presents. God is my commander. Friends and family are my allies, and the unexpected and undesired parts of life are the battles in which we are all called to face. Some, run like cowards when no easy solution presents itself. Others turn predator and prey on the loners on the fringes, and fewer still weather the storms of battle tide honorably. May we all be among the ranks of the honorably victorious, for victory without honor is like life without emotions. Empty and cold, and not worth the price paid.
Arete'
-Wolf
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)